Mom wants me to give my man 'bun'


October 11, 2017

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I always read your column and listen to your show. I am 26 years old, and I am having a problem. I am living with a guy, and both of us want to become parents. He is 40 years old, and he is not a father as yet.

He was married, but his wife left him because he could not get her pregnant. He said that she is lying on him. He said he got her pregnant and she got rid of the pregnancy because she met another man and this man offered to take her to America. She left him for that man.

I don't want to leave him because he is everything to me. Since we are together, he bought me a car and I am very comfortable. Right now, I am not working, and my mother is staying with me because he goes out to work at nights and sometimes I am alone.

I went to the doctor, and the doctor said nothing is wrong with me. He does not see anything preventing me from getting pregnant. I told my boyfriend what the doctor said, and he said his doctor told him that nothing is wrong with him too. I told him I would like to talk to his doctor, but he does not want me to talk to him. He said I am acting as if he is lying. I really do not want to leave him. But at the same time, Pastor, I don't want to stay with him for many years and he can't get me pregnant, and I end up not having a child.

Here is a real fight I am having in my mind. My mother told me that I should take the chance and keep another man with him, and let that man get me pregnant and tell my boyfriend that he was the one who got me pregnant. I am afraid to do so because he has a licensed firearm, and if I trick him, you can imagine what could happen.

What do you think I should do? My mother said he is not going to ask me to leave because he would be so glad to know that I got pregnant. Whatever you suggest, I will do. So, I will be looking out for your answer.


Dear N.K.,

Your mother is out of her mind. It is likely that this man is unable to get you pregnant and he knows that for sure. That is why he doesn't want you to speak to his doctor. The story he told you about his wife might not even be true. When it comes to intimacy and children, men are always blaming women.

But he doesn't want you to leave him because he loves you. He is willing to do anything for you, but it is too risky for you to become sexually involved with another man and for that man to get you pregnant. Don't take that type of risk.

Let us just suppose that you were to get pregnant by another man, and in years to come, you have to do a DNA test on the child, and the man would find out that it is not his biological child. What would you do? It would be better for you right now to reason with that man and to tell him that he should adopt a couple children. But if you are not in favour of adoption, make plans to leave this man early.


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