Mom told me to 'sell my front'

by

January 09, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I am having a problem with my mother. She can be nice to many people, but she is hardly ever nice to me.

My mother and my father recently separated. Before my father left the house, he told me he was not interested in my mother anymore because he found out she was dating one of his friends.

He said at first he did not believe, but he set a trap for her and found out that it was true.

I told my father that he shouldn't believe what people say. My father cried and I asked him where he was going and he said he was going to spend a few weeks with his mother.

Then he was going to find a place after the holidays to rent, but I should stay with my mother. When I went home I was crying and my mother asked me what happened to me and where I was.

I told her I was with my father and she asked me if he told me the foolishness he has been saying. I didn't answer. I just asked her if these things were true and she started to curse me.

My father told me that he gave my mother some money, so she should give me some out of it. When I asked her for it, she told me just as how I believed that she is selling her front, I am old enough to sell mine and get money.

My mother has never talked to me in such a vulgar way. I could not believe that she would say that to me. I never accused her of having another man with my father.

My brother said that he believes what my father is saying about my mother. My father and my mother have been together for 22 years. My mother works on and off.

Everything was on my father but I never heard him complain. My father said he had to leave because if he stays at the house, he may kill her.

I called my father and asked him for some money and he gave me $12,000 out of his bonus and he gave my brother $12,000 too.

My brother and I have decided that if my father wants us to live with him, we will go, although he told me that I should stay with my mother.

How can I stay with her when she looked on me and told me to sell my front? She has not left the house since my father moved out. The house is tense.

Pastor, I don't know what to do. Please, give me your advice.

E.R.

Dear E.R.,

It is unfortunate that your mother insulted you in such a manner. Perhaps she felt that you should not have asked her whether what your father heard was true.

But she should not have insulted you and made such an ugly suggestion. She has disrespected you and that is indeed very sad. Although she made that suggestion to you, I doubt she meant it.

I am going to suggest that regardless of how insulted you feel, unless your mother has become abusive, do exactly as your father suggested. Stay in the home with her.

Everything is there to your comfort. If your mother asked you to leave (and I doubt she would), then you should advise your father and leave.

Your father will support you. However, things will never be the same now that he is gone. Try and be good to your mother. Don't hold what she said to you against her.

I hope that your parents can be civil to each together and forgive each other regardless what the problem is. Both of them can seek professional help and get back together.

Your father is deeply hurt but the breaking up with your mother and himself, has affected not only him but your mother and that is why she is not saying much, and not going anywhere.

You are 19. Evidently your father has confidence in you. Talk to him and ask him to come home and quietly sit with your mother and talk to her because you believe that she is hurting.

Suggest to your mother to call your father and ask him to come home.

I wish the family well. Don't behave as if you believe everything your father says. The truth is, you don't know the whole story so don't take sides one way or the other.

Pastor.

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