Haunted by an abortion
I need help. In a couple of months I will be 20 years old. I had an abortion at 17 years old. At the time, my boyfriend didn't want me to have the abortion, but I still did it. When I told my mother what I was going to do, all she said was, "Hmmm". My boyfriend left me because I did the abortion and now I am with someone else. My mother and I don't talk about it, even though it drives me crazy at times.
Now, my ex-boyfriend, who should have been my babyfather, has a brother who got his girlfriend pregnant and she had the baby. The worst thing is that his girlfriend lives right in front of my house. Sometimes I see them together with the baby and I cry, wishing that I had not done an abortion.
I have been with many guys after getting pregnant and doing the abortion. Some of them asked me to have their baby and I told them no. It is like a part of me is waiting and hoping that my ex-boyfriend and I will get back together one day and he will be my babyfather.
Let me remind you that what you did when you were only 17 years old cannot be reversed. You became pregnant and you discussed terminating the pregnancy with your mother, and she did not discourage you from doing so. In fact, by her response, you thought that she was in agreement. The man who got you pregnant was not in favour of the termination of the pregnancy. He wanted you to carry the pregnancy, but you did not, so the relationship between the both of you has ended.
Unfortunately, you have been intimate with many other guys and evidently you have been protecting yourself and still hoping that the man who impregnated you will come back into your life. You have been admiring his brother and his girlfriend with their child, thinking that you could have been in a similar position if you had not terminated your pregnancy.
What I want to say to you is that you have made a mistake, but it is not something that you can change. It has already been done. Talk to the good Lord about the situation. You may want to ask your former boyfriend whether he will forgive you and come back to you. If he says no, don't harass him. I repeat, talk to God and if you love your present boyfriend, try to plan with him and don't fret over the past. Settle with this guy and stop moving from man to man. I will be praying for you.