I might leave Jamaica without telling my man

February 16, 2018

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you for your advice. I am 24 years old, and when I was in high school, I wrote to you about a problem that I was having. You answered me, and I followed your advice. I am now in my final year at university, and my boyfriend, who is 37 years old, has proposed to me. That has put me in a spot. I don't know what to say to him.

I love him, but my desire is to live in the US. I have a male friend living there, and the relationship between us has got very strong over the last two years. He has become a citizen, and he wants us to get married. He is only 26 years old, and he is not yet a father. My boyfriend, who is in Jamaica, has two children with different women, and he has been very helpful to me. He operates his own business. I didn't have to take student loans, and he bought me a car so I could drive myself to school.

My mother said I should leave the country without telling him, but I am afraid to do so. He is not having an intimate relationship with any of his babymothers. It is just home to work and work to home. The guy abroad already knows about him, but my boyfriend doesn't know about the guy. I have always wanted a big wedding, so getting married in Jamaica would give that to me. But that would mean that I would have to marry my friend in Jamaica, and my hope of living abroad would be dashed.

I am so confused. I need your help. I would earn much more in America than I would earn here. Help me to make the right decision. I am hoping to hear from you soon.

B. S.

Dear B.S.,

I can see why you are worried. You have used this businessman to meet your financial needs, and he believed that you loved him. But now your eyes are upon a younger man. When you were spending the older man's money, you were not thinking about living in the US. But since you have developed this strong love for the younger man, your desire is to leave Jamaica.

Are you able to repay all the money this businessman has spent on you? Would you be willing to give him all the money he gave you? Remember, you didn't have to take student loans. And what about the car, lunch money, etc.?

Evidently, you are not in love with this businessman. It is the businessman who is taking a beating. Think of what he could have done with his money instead of wasting it on you.

I am not going to tell you to marry him, because your heart is not with him. And if you were to marry him, you would cheat on him, because you are not in love with him. Your mother told you to leave without telling him. I say make your own decision, but don't consider yourself a good woman. You are a very bad woman.

Pastor.

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