My man hasn't invited me to his country


April 16, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I hope all is well with you, and may the good Lord continue to bless you.

I would like you to help me to make the right decision. I have written to you before and your answer helped me a lot.

I have been in a relationship with a man for more than three years now. He does not live in Jamaica. He was born abroad. He is in a very good job that pays extremely well. He visits me like twice per year, and we spend time with each other, then he goes back to his country. He knows my family members because I have introduced him to them. He sends money from time to time for me and ensures that I am OK. We talk over the phone every night and early mornings.

He mentioned to me that he is not having sex with anyone, and he hopes I am not having sex with another man. He told me that he doesn't want to catch any STIs, so I must keep myself at all times for him.

Pastor, I won't lie, I had sex with another person once. Whenever he comes to Jamaica, we both do checkups before we have sex, and we are always clean.

Pastor, I know this man loves me because he treats me with respect and he shows me what a real man is. I do have feelings for him, too; he's much older than I am. I am in my 20s. I remember a time in my life when I told him that I am searching for a job which would require me to relocate. He didn't want me to go. He said he was afraid I'll change.

The problem I am having is that he lives overseas, and he would like us to start a family in Jamaica. He said he really likes Jamaica. The last time he came to Jamaica, he was looking at houses to purchase for our planned family. I told him that I am scared to start a family because I don't want to raise a child all by myself. I told him that 80 per cent of the time he will not be by my side, and he said he would try his best to be home with us, but he has to work.

Pastor, why has this man not taken me to his country? He said I am his wife, but he hasn't proposed to me as yet. When I look on things, I sometimes think that I should wait until marriage to have a child. I am confused and I don't know what to decide.


Dear B.S.,

Try your best not to allow this man to get you pregnant. Frankly, although he is in a position to treat you very well, I do not believe that you know enough about him to commit yourself to him in marriage. When some men are living abroad and they fall in love with Jamaican women, they don't always speak the truth. They tell the women what the women want to hear.

You raised a very important fact. Why hasn't he invited you to his country? You need to know much more about him and his background, etc. May I also warn you, if you are having an intimate relationship with this man, do your best not to become involved with any other man.

Concerning his wanting to purchase a home in Jamaica, it is his money, do not discourage him. But let him know that you would prefer to live abroad. Therefore, having a house in Jamaica will not cause you to feel that you have tied up yourself with him in Jamaica because of the house.


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