Once a cheater, always a cheater

May 02, 2018

Dear Pastor,
I am an 18-year-old Christian who is currently going to school. I met a guy who is also a Christian. He is 22.

When we started talking he told me that in his past he had many girls and he used to cheat a lot, but since becoming a Christian, he wanted to change.

When I first started talking to him I did not like him that much because I thought he was just telling me these things because he knew I was a Christian and I made it clear to him what my priorities were and there are certain things I would not tolerate like unfaithfulness.

I also told him that I was not going to have sex until I am married and he agreed to wait because that's not all he wanted from me.

However, I grew to like him a lot. He calls me every day just to check up on me and to hear how I am getting on in school.

He introduced me to his mom, his friends and his cousins. He wanted us to go on dates but I told him I can't because I am not allowed to date and he worked with it.

He did not pressure me for anything. The only time I got to see him was when I went to school and I saw him in the town. That was the only time we got to talk to each other face-to-face.

He offered to buy me gifts but I did not take it because I don't really like taking things from guys. That's just me.

I like him a lot. However, I was afraid to get my heart broken as he was my first boyfriend and I wanted to know if he really loved me, so I decided to play a prank on him.

I created a fake account and began to flirt with him and he began to flirt back and he asked me for my number.

I was really upset, so the following day when he texted me I told him I did not want to speak to him and I screenshot all the messages and sent them to him.

He began to cry and told me how much he was sorry but I did not want to have anything to do with him.

But, he was constantly begging for forgiveness, so I decided to forgive him because I sort of understood that because he used to cheat in his past, it would be a challenge for him to change so quickly.

After a couple of months passed, he told me about a girl that was hitting on him but he told her that he had a girlfriend but she kept pressing him for his number and he gave it to her.

I told him to get rid of her or else I am going to leave him and he agreed to do it. I later found out that he was still communicating with her and was keeping it as a secret.

I was really upset. I made up my mind to let him go this time because he should know what he wants and I believe that if someone really loves you they wouldn't allow anyone to come between the relationship.

He texts me often, saying how much he misses me and how it is really hard to find a girl like me.

I would like to hear your thoughts on this issue as to whether you think I made the right decision.


Dear J.B.,
You should cut this guy off totally. He has not changed. He is still doing what he told you he used to do.

He is trying to weigh you down and to get you to the place where you would take him back into your life.

He is not the type of man you would love to have in your life. He wants to have sex and you are not interested, so he is looking for woman who would have sex with him.

Take it from me, you have lost nothing. Stick with your books. Write to me again.

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