He has cheated on me countless times


July 05, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I read your letters as often as I can, and I must say that your column has helped me a lot, especially when I'm faced with certain situations and I am in need of a bit of advice. I'm a very intelligent girl. I graduated from high school with five subjects. I worked and sent myself to college. However, I have a problem that I can't seem to get over no matter how hard I try, and it's destroying my relationship.

June 30 marked four years since I've been in a relationship with my partner. We met in 2014 when I was 17 and he was 23 years old. Bear in mind that he already had a daughter before we met that he didn't tell me about. She turned one on June 7, 2014, and we met on the 30th. She's five now. I found out about her while going through his Facebook page. I was hurt because I didn't want to be a stepmom. I wanted a family of my own because I grew up with stepfathers and I hated it.

I want to have a child soon because of health reasons, and I don't want to delay, but because of that child, he's being hesitant, and I'm starting to change my mind about being the second woman to give him a child in his life.

The thing is, during our relationship, he has cheated on me countless times - to the point where he has got one of the girls pregnant and had her have an abortion. Well, at least that's one that I found out about. I found out when I went to his home. We had an argument about him texting other females, including his exes, and I left that evening. I had a dream that night that he came to my home, and while I was in my room, he left and went to my neighbour's house. When I went to the house to look for him, I saw him in a room with a girl. I couldn't see the girl's face in the dream, but she said she was his babymother. I kept calling him, but he wouldn't come to me, so I left and went back to my room.

That morning, I woke up with an uneasy feeling and decided to message him. I told him that we need to have a talk about our argument and that I wanted to do so in person so I was coming over. His response was that he was not at home; he was doing business. That's when I knew something wasn't right. It was way too early for him to leave his home. Worse, he doesn't work at all, not even up until this day.

So, I just replied and said OK, but I followed my mind and gave him a surprise visit. On approaching his home, I noticed something strange. There was a woman's slipper on his verandah and underwear and pants on the line that were not mine. So, I started to knock on the grille, and I saw someone peep through the window. He told his granny to let me in from her side of the house, and, to my surprise, when I went into the house, I saw the side door that was always open closed. I pushed it open and saw a girl in there hiding, half-naked, and he was in his bathroom bathing.


He said she was his friend's woman. The girl admitted to me that they had an intimate relationship, and he told her that I was his babymother. I don't have any children for him. He was making it seem as if I am the woman who he has his daughter with. He also told her that I was only there to look after him on weekdays, which is correct because of work and school, and that I had left him and had gone overseas. I don't even know how inside a plane looks.

She then told me that she got pregnant for him and aborted the baby. This tells me that he's out there having unprotected sex. There's more to this story, but it's too much.

Fast-forward to 2018. I still don't and can't find it in me to trust him, and I can't get over the hurt. He says he has been faithful since, but somehow, I don't believe him. We have been having so many arguments ever since, and that is tearing us apart.

I am wondering if we could meet with you for counselling to see if it could help me to decide what to do. His entire family loves me, including his mom. Some I've met on their visits here, and others I've spoken to over the phone. It's just that I'm still hurting because I keep on bottling up my feelings.


Dear S.S.,

I am quite willing to meet anyone who believes that I can be of help to them. However, there are times when I can sense that a relationship will not work. For example, your boyfriend is not talking the truth. He is not willing to change. He is a user and a womaniser. I could see both of you if he would come and speak the truth. He should not come if he believes that he is so smart and think, that he can fool me.

You may call my office and set an appointment. My numbers are (876)929-1667 and (876)877-1009.


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