Should I marry a man I don't love


July 06, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 33 years old, and I am having a problem. I met a man four years ago, and we became friends. I was going through a hard time, and this man promised to help me. I accepted his offer because nothing was going on for me. My boyfriend at the time got himself into trouble, and he ended up in prison. My father always used to warn me about him, but I didn't listen. I finally understood what my father used to warn me about when he got arrested.

I left this man, and I started to take money from this guy I am now with. I was living alone when my former boyfriend got into trouble and eventually ended up in prison. The man I met was 50 years old at the time. He was still living with his woman. I told him that I did not want to break up his relationship, but he said that although they were living together, they were not sleeping together because he caught her with a man and he told her to leave. So, he is giving her some time to leave.

Pastor, I did not believe him, but he convinced me that he was speaking the truth by showing me a picture of her and the man. He told her that I was his woman, and he told her to take everything she wanted from the house and leave. She split everything in half, but she left the stove and the refrigerator for him.

Here is my trouble, Pastor. My father is a carpenter, and he went to the house to do some refurbishing. When he was finished, the woman told my boyfriend that she wanted half of the house because she had been living with him for about six years. He gave her some money, but that was not what she wanted. She wanted more.

After I started to live with this man, I found out that he cannot read. He can barely sign his name. I have to do everything for him, but he does not want anybody to know that he cannot read. I told him I would help him. Whenever I try to help him to read, he says that he is tired and wants to sleep. He is really tired because he works hard.

I told my father about the problem, and he said I should try with him because at least he won't ill-treat me. This is not what I wanted in life. I like this man. I can't say that I love him with all my heart, but I like him. Do you think that I should marry him and hope that I start to love him? I don't want to cheat. He loves me. I can say that much. Give me your opinion.


Dear S.T.,

A couple can learn to love each other. Many successful marriages started with people who were not head over heels for each other. There was something in the heart that started the relationship, and it grew. But I prefer when couples know without a doubt that they are in love with each other; it is difficult to separate such couples. You say that this man loves you, and you do not have any doubt about it. You only like him, so to speak.

I could only wish that you grow to love him. I wouldn't suggest that you marry this man until you are absolutely sure that you love him because if you don't love him and you marry him, you are likely to cheat on him. Try your best to teach him to read and write. He will listen to you. Don't say anything to him that would embarrass him. Don't call him dunce, foolish, illiterate, etc. Take care of him as long as you are with him. And please do not rob him in any way.


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