Am I a lesbian?


July 09, 2018

Dear Pastor

I am a 24-year-old woman and I have a daughter. Her father and I haven't been on good terms for quite a while now.

While growing up as a child in primary school, my elder female cousin and I used to engage in sexual activities such as kissing and rubbing down each other, as I used to spend holiday at my aunt's house.

My cousin and I used to share a bed. I am not sure if I should say that she molested me because, at the time, I used to enjoy it. Ever since that time I have been struggling with strong urges for other females.

When I got older and fully understood what was taking place, I grew to resent her for what she did because she was older and should have known better.

I grew up trying to fight the fact that I have strong urges for females. I feel guilt whenever I look at their body parts and I try really hard not to imagine stuff, but it is really difficult.

When I was in high school, I got involved with a female in my community. It started out with kissing until it got deeper.

After messing around for the first time, I ended the relationship because it didn't feel right, but I think I still like her and at times I think of doing stuff with her, even though I tried really hard not to.

I don't enjoy having intercourse with my babyfather. I have also had sex with older men and it's still the same.

The only time I have an orgasm is when I masturbate. Pastor, I do love my babyfather; I just don't know if things will ever work between us, because I don't like intercourse and he loves it and at times, I think that all he wants is sex.


I have been given multiple chances to sleep with other females and to have threesomes, but I immediately turn down the offers and then think about what could have been after.

When masturbating, if I want it to be quick, I can either watch porn with two females or think of two females making out.

I haven't spoken to my babyfather or anyone for that matter about what I am becoming, or have become, because I hate myself and I am embarrassed about the situation.

Is something wrong with me? Should I stop living in denial and accept the fact that I might be a lesbian/bisexual? How do I stop wanting to be with other females?

I am looking forward to your speedy reply.


Dear K.B.,

I am going to beg you to stay with your child's father, and I want you to become aware that the unfortunate experiences you had as a child was molestation by your cousin.

She sexually molested you and you were under the impression that it was natural for a woman to have sexual encounters with another woman, but when you got older, you realised that it is wrong.

So, I am putting it to you that the struggles that you are having now is clearly as a result of what happened to you as a child.

Although there are exceptions to what I am about to tell you, it is true that most family counsellors would say that homosexuality is something learnt.

Those of us who have had the privilege of counselling persons who engage in having sexual relations with persons of their own sex know that most people who have come to us have admitted that it was somebody who introduced it to them. Note, I said most, not all.

I believe that it is time for you to sit with a psychologist and lay all the struggles that you are having before him/her. I believe that God is able to give you deliverance.

I have said that many times and some people curse me for saying so.

I would not suggest that you tell your child's father that you feel that you should go with other women or declare yourself to be a lesbian.

If you do, it is likely that he would leave you without a second thought. So, work on yourself first. Nothing is impossible with God.

Whenever you are tempted to have sex with females, pray and ask God to take away the desire from you.

Do not put yourself in the position where you would engage in homosexual behaviour. I will be praying for you.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories