Wife is convinced I am cheating


July 10, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am a 28-year-old man, and I have been married for almost two years, but my wife and I have been together for more than three years.

I have a situation that really needs your advice. Before getting to know her, I used to flirt and talk to many females, some as friends, but I was intimate with some.

All these females would still have my number from that time.

When my wife and I met, I intended to cut them off because I didn't want them to destroy my relationship with her.

Some strange numbers started to call me, and I told my wife the situation. I decided to change my number because even if I just do my regular routine from work to home and spend every single moment with her, I am still being accused of cheating or having someone else.

Even now that we are married, we have to seek counselling because she keeps saying that I am hurting her feelings and having someone else. Every female she sees, she asks if I know her.

Every single thing that happens between us, she always says that I am the cause of the problem or argument, and I am the one who is hurting her.

When she asks some unnecessary questions and she doesn't get an answer, she gets upset, and whenever I ask her about anything, she doesn't want to answer.

She starts an argument even if she calls me while I am at work and she doesn't get me. She knows the type of job I do and the time it takes up.

I try my best to give her all the attention that she needs. If she's at work and she is busy, I still try my best to text or call her.

I feel really unappreciated because of the time and effort I put in to making her happy. Yes, I have my faults.

When I am home during the day and she is at work, I have her on WhatsApp video call right throughout the day, and I still get accused of cheating.

Please, I am asking you for your advice on this situation because I love her. and I don't want my marriage to end.


Dear J.R.,

I think what you are trying to tell me is that your wife is behaving as if she is paranoid and she makes you very uncomfortable.

I am here to tell you that if she continues that way, she will not only make you unhappy, but you will become very depressed and you will suffer from stress.

This woman does not trust you. She thinks that you are a bad man and that you would like to get under the skirt of every woman.

Unfortunately, over the many years that I have been a family counsellor, I can say that very few such relationships have worked. Most times, they end in divorce.

I know that there are men who have done their very best to try to keep their relationship although their wives are jealous and have accused them of things they have not done.

I also know women who have tried very hard to live with jealous husbands. But, I repeat, most times, such relationships end up in divorce.

A man should do everything in his power to keep his wife happy. A woman should do her best to make her husband happy.

But when his spouse is suspicious and refuses to learn to trust, the relationship will blow up.

When a person is in love, he or she does not have to be watching his/her spouse 24/7. It is impossible to do so. In fact, there is no need to do so.

So, my friend, tell your wife that you are willing to meet with a family counsellor or a psychologist if she prefers.

But even before you make such an appointment, both of you should start attending church together, read your Bible, and pray together. I will be praying for you, too.


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