Think my man is trying to con me

July 12, 2018

Dear Pastor

I am 31 with a six-year-old daughter. Her dad and I broke up six months ago. We have had our ups and downs and even went through counselling, but he punched me in the mouth and burst my lips, so I found it hard to continue the relationship.

I started talking to someone else three months ago. He's 26 and has two children. We both attend the same church sometimes.

His children's mother lives with him, but he sleeps at my house at least twice per week. He said that they are not in a sexual relationship, but because she doesn't have anywhere to go she stays there.

He built a house for her, but she doesn't want to move there because there is no running water.

Pastor, he told me all the things he used to do and how he cheated on her so many times and even slept out for days, and she didn't complain.

He's saying that he has changed, so he doesn't want me to judge him by his past. But pastor, I wonder if it's a game he always plays, or if he really wants to leave his children's mother.

We have so much in common and we talk about everything, including our future. He wants to move in with me and for us to get married in December.

He wants to get baptised and fully serve God. He also wants to take his youngest daughter with him and leave his elder child.

He keeps telling me that he doesn't think I am ready for all the things people are going to say about him, so he's making sure to tell me everything about his past so I won't be surprised when I hear them from others.

I am now wondering if he sees me as a ticket to get away from his children's mother because of all the complaints he has told me about her or if it's because of what I have to offer.

I built my own house and I am financially stable. I am not sure if he really loves me and genuinely wants this relationship to work.

I don't want him to leave his children's mother for me, so I am hoping the situation with her is exactly how he says it is.

Pastor, help me please. I await your advice.


Dear Confused,

Don't push this relationship. In fact, you shouldn't be encouraging this relationship at all. This man is carrying heavy baggage and right now, he doesn't seem as if he is the man you should be proud of.

May the good Lord forgive me if I am judging him wrongfully, but I don't think I am. I am putting it straight to you, this man is fooling you.

He is living with the mother of his children. It benefits him to come and live with you. You wouldn't want God to punish you and to stop blessing you because of this wicked man.

If he built a house for this woman, why is it that the house doesn't have water? Open your understanding, madam.

Who tells him that he can take a girl child from her mother? Are you so foolish to agree that this man should take another woman's child and bring her to live at your house? Are you crazy?

Please remember the Jamaican proverb and warning: 'Same knife stick sheep, stick goat.'

What has this woman done to this man? She has his children. He slept out night after night. He showed contempt for this woman.

Now he has come into your life and is fooling you up by telling you that he has changed. If he has changed, let him go back to the children's mother and ask for forgiveness, and let both of them seek counselling and start over.

You should not be quick to believe everything a man says against another woman. What he did to this other woman, he would do the same thing to you. It is just a matter of time.

He is going to mess you up and then you would cry as a cow. Again, if I am wrong, may God forgive me, but I don't think I am wrong. End the relationship with this man.


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