Can't get my cheating ex lover off my mind


August 04, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I cut off all contact with a guy a couple of months ago because of infidelity. I try so hard to forget about him, but I find myself thinking about him every day. Even when I try hard not to think about him, I fail. I don't regret ending the relationship with him because I know I made the right decision, but I don't know why I can't stop thinking about him. Why is it so hard? Whenever he tried to contact me, I would ignore him. I guess he thinks that it's easy for me to forget him, but he doesn't know how hard I have to try.

He has a girlfriend, and he recently stopped trying to contact me. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him. Relationships can be very stressful, especially when they're not with the right person, because after a break-up, you are still going to have your ex in your memory for a very long time. Persons sometimes confuse this with love and return to their exes, trying to make things work, but most times, it still doesn't work out because after a while, they go back to their old ways and you realise that it was just a big waste of time.

Pastor, how do I get this guy off my mind? It is very depressing. I just want to have peace of mind.


Dear J.B.,

I hesitate to tell you that there is no easy way to forget an ex-lover. You have had the experience. Common sense tells you that the relationship had to come to an end, but you struggle with the fact that the memories are not leaving you. In fact, they are haunting you, and you would like to get rid of them, but they linger on. I want you to know that you are not the only person in the world who is struggling and who wishes that they could just wave a wand and never remember someone again.

You will, for a long time, suffer from withdrawal, and sometimes it will be just as real as if you were a man/woman who is trying to get off drugs. You are doing the right thing by not accepting his calls. I can say to you that whenever you think about him, you should not think about everything that was good in the relationship. You should remember the things that were bad and why you had to break up with this man.

I have good news for you. Although you are struggling with this break-up now, it will not last forever. Comfort your heart with the thought that the time is going to come when you are not going to think about him as much as you are thinking about him now. You see, right now, you might be a little angry with him, but every day, pray for him, and in your heart wish him well. When you feel very lonely, call your friends and go out with them to see plays and do whatever else you love. I will be praying for you also.


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