Parents still think I'm a virgin


August 08, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I should start by saying that I'm 21 and I live with my parents. I'm close to my dad and I can never lie to him.

I have a boyfriend that I've been seeing for some months. He lives close by and we have sex at his house. But to get to his house, I have to lie to my parents, even though he lives about three minutes away.

I don't like the fact that I'm 21 and I have to hide what I'm doing, even though they know that I have a boyfriend. They have seen him before.

They still think that I'm a virgin, because up until recently I was. My current boyfriend took my virginity.

Should I tell them that I'm going to his house? I'm afraid if I do, they'll prevent me from going and not want me to see him anymore.

They don't disprove of him. I guess they just want me to be careful and they're still being over protective of me.

What should I do?


Dear M.J.,

You don't have to tell your parents that you are sexually active. However, you shouldn't be surprised if your parents may ask you whether you are having sex.

Some years ago, a mother came to see me. She had a 15-year-old daughter and the daughter shocked her by telling her that she wanted to have sex, therefore she wanted to buy the condoms.

She didn't want to hide the condoms, so she was prepared to advise her mother that she wanted to buy them.

This girl had not even reached the age of consent. The mother asked me a straight question. She wanted to know what she should do.

I told her that she should tell her daughter that she knows that she cannot prevent her from having sex, but she did not want to give her permission to do so.

She was under the age of consent, so her boyfriend could get into trouble with the law for having sex with an underage girl.

This girl, however, bought her own condoms and she carried on with her boyfriend, but evidently, they decided to have unprotected sex after a while because she became pregnant, and in a short period of time, she had about three children.

You said that you are 21 and your boyfriend and your are having sex, but your parents believe that you are still a virgin.

You know that although parents can give guidance to their children and warn them to be careful, they do not have the power to prevent them from having sex.

If their children are determined to have sex, they will. From experience, you know that to be true.

I want to suggest to you that you can talk to your father about how you feel. You said you and your father are very close.

Test the waters by talking to him about this guy and how it is difficult for you to be away from him and whether he would have any objection for this guy to come and visit you at your house.

Your father is then going to tell you whether he has any objection, and he is also likely to tell you to discuss the matter with your mother.

Believe me, if you were to take that approach, you wouldn't have to be sneaking out to see your boyfriend.

I hope that you would never embarrass your parents by allowing your boyfriend to get you pregnant. I am not here sanctioning sex outside of marriage.

I am only trying to say, if your boyfriend and yourself are determined to have sex, please use the condom.


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