Afraid to tell my boyfriend I cheated


August 09, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I have a problem. I have a boyfriend and we have been together for five years.

Things were going good for us. He sent me back to school after I graduated from high school. But he has a short temper and because of that, I try not to do anything that will get him very upset.

He tells me some harsh words and even curses.

I made a big mistake and he has not forgiven me. When I was 16, I had sex with a businessman.

It happened a few times, because my mother was very poor and my father left four of us with her and went to live with another woman.

When I met my boyfriend and he asked me if I ever had any man in my life, I told him about the businessman.

I promised I wouldn't have anything else to do with this man.

I told the businessman about my boyfriend and he told me to stick with him. In December, my mother was going to lose a refrigerator for which she owed money.

So, I called the businessman and told him that I needed some help. He told me he would be glad to see me.

Pastor, I didn't know that I still loved this man so much; when he saw me he was glad. He left a girl who was helping him in the business and went to the bank with me.

He withdrew the money that my mother owed. He bought me something to eat and we sat in his car and ate.

Then he started to play with my legs. He still had the money in his pocket. I decided that I would take a chance and have sex with him.

We decided to go to his house because his woman had gone to work. We went, and he had sex with me and as soon as we were finished, his woman showed up.

The girl who was working at his business place called her and told her that a woman was in the house with him. It caused a big fuss and I got a cut on my hand.

I couldn't explain to my boyfriend how I got this cut. I lied to him, but he did not believe me. He told me he would not trust me again.

What I did is tormenting me. Every day my boyfriend wants me to tell him how I got this cut on my hand. I know I can't tell him that I cheated on him.

I left without the money, but he put it in my account a few days later. There is a scar on my hand. I hope it would disappear.

Every time I look at it, I remember the incident. My boyfriend tells me that he believes that I did something wrong.

Please, tell me what to do.


Dear T.E.,

While reading your letter, I was eager to find out what you told your boyfriend about the cut. You are fortunate that it is only a small one.

Consider what you really did. You have a man in your life. He paid for you to go back to school and everything was going fine, and then you failed him by giving yourself to the businessman again. That was so wrong.

Now, your conscience is eating you out. What are you really asking me to do, to tell you that you should tell your boyfriend that you cheated on him?

I am not going to tell you whether to confess or not. That is a decision you would have to make for yourself.

I know you might get into big trouble with your man if you were to tell him that you had sex with this businessman again.

I am not here to condemn you. But please, don't repeat this mistake.


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