He called me cheap because I wouldn’t pay for his lobster

February 18, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I have just moved out from my parents' home. I rented a small place, and since then, I have started life on my own.

Since I have been living on my own, there is this guy who has been telling me how much he loves me. I am trying to find a place to buy. I have a couple million dollars that I can use as down payment, and my father has promised that he would help me purchase a place of my own and assist me in paying the mortgage. I have spoken to this man, and he says that we can buy a place together. But I am afraid to do so because I don't know him well enough. My father has always said that I should not buy anywhere with a man unless we are married.

This guy is not very educated, and when I talk to him about going back to school, he says he does not want to get mad. I don't know what to make of him. When I told him that I need time to think about his suggestion, he said that there is nothing to think about because I am looking for a home and he would like to get a home, so we should put together.

I took this guy out for his birthday to a restaurant. I ordered chicken for myself, but he wanted lobster. Right there, I told him that I was responsible for the bill so I would not pay for lobster. He called me cheap, and he reminded me that I cannot take what I have with me when I am gone. I was so hurt, but I kept my cool. Of course, he changed his order, and I told him I appreciated that. After dinner, I told him I was ready to go. When he got to my place, he asked if he could come in, and I told him no. I was still fuming.

Here is the man who wants to buy a home with me, but doesn't know anything about making sacrifices. Pastor, I think I have gotten the answer. I don't believe that he is the man for me. Since then, I have been giving him the cold shoulder. Every time he tells me that he is coming over, I tell him that I am too busy correcting papers, and I don't have the time. Am I too hard on this man?

I should mention that I have twice the amount of money that he has to make the down payment on a home, and he is 27 years old.

Would you agree that I would be making a mistake to be involved with this man?


Dear H.P.,

This young man is an idiot. You don't even have to pray about whether or not you should marry him. He is not an intelligent man. He sees you as someone who can take care of him. I am not saying that he doesn't love you, but love isn't the only criteria for marriage. I almost want to say that this man is poorer than a church mouse and yet wants you to spend to buy an expensive meal on his birthday.

I don't want to imply that he has nothing at all. What he doesn't have is common sense. If you are trying to buy a property, why waste money on expensive dinners? People would say that you are cheap. You have said that you have the answer that this man is not for you. Let him go his way. Don't be in a hurry to buy a house. Take your time and build your wealth, and don't make any decision without the input of your father.


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