My mother gave me to the wrong brother

April 23, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and I have something on my mind that has been bothering me for a long time. I grew up with my grandmother on my father side and as a child I couldn't expect better. My grandmother has three children; two boys and one girl.

Since I was a little boy, my father used to take care of me, through my grandmother, but he was hardly around. My uncle used to always come to the house and he would take me out. My grandmother used to tell me that I resemble my uncle more than my father.

One day I heard my mother and my grandmother talking. My grandmother said to her that she doesn't see much resemblance in me of my father. But, I have everything for my uncle. When my grandmother realized that I heard what they were saying, she told me to take the broom and sweep up the yard. I was about 8 years old at the time. My grandmother and mother were there talking for a long time until my mother left to go back to Kingston.

When she was gone and night came down, and I said my prayers to go to bed, I asked my grandmother how come I don't resemble my father, and she said it is because I look so much like my uncle and I walk like him and I have the same mannerism. But, whoever is my father, it doesn't matter, I would always be her grandson. When I was 10 years old, my uncle bought me a bicycle. He would always buy me expensive gifts. I started to look at him as my real father.

When I was 18, I decided to ask my mother if my uncle is my real father. She asked me why I asked her that question and I could see tears in her eyes. I told her I only wanted to know. She said people make mistakes. She said she is not ready to say anymore and I should not say it to anybody.

I became a Christian and I was getting baptized. I invited my father and my uncle to my baptism. My uncle came, but my father did not come. I was doing some business and I needed some help. The loan officer told me to bring somebody who could stand as my surety. I asked my uncle if he would do so and he said yes. When the loan officer asked him how he is related to me, he said I am his son.

It was the first time for sure that my uncle was admitting in my presence that he is my father. I have carried my father's first name all these years. I spoke to my mother and told her what happened when I went to get the loan and she said, "Now you know."

My mother had sex with the two brothers and she gave me the name of one who she believed got her pregnant. I am not sure what I should do because I would like to use my real father's name. My grandmother told me that I don't have to change my name because I already have my father's last name and I know the truth now.

Please, I am asking you for your advice.

L.G

Dear L.G.,

I believe that there is more to this story than you have been told. But what I would not want to encourage you to do is to embarrass your mother and further. Your mother made mistakes, but your uncle and your father (the two brothers) are as guilty as your mother because the both of them should not have been sexually involved with the same woman. Perhaps your grandmother is quite correct. You could accept the name that you have been carrying for the past 24 years.

Mark you, I am not telling you what to do. I am only saying that what your grandmother said is not a bad suggestion. However, if you insist that you want to make a change on your birth certificate, you should go to the Registrar General's Department and discuss the matter with them or go to a lawyer. It will cost some money, but perhaps it might give you peace of mind.

But please, I beg you, sir, do not do anything to embarrass your mother. And remember it is not everything that happens in the past that you should explain to everybody, especially to those who are not a part of your immediate family.

Pastor

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