Lousy husband making my life hell

May 20, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old. A year ago, I migrated to a foreign country where I got married. My husband is 25.

We were dating for three years without having sex, just communicating, mostly over the phone. I used to travel back and forth, like on holidays, but this time I didn't go back home.

We actually met and we had sex and a month after, he decided that he wanted me in his life forever.

I was staying with a family member at the time; she also encouraged us to get married. She also told us that she would help us with an apartment and stuff like that whenever we got married.

I was so in love with him. I didn't care what happened. We also kept it a secret from our parents. It was a small wedding with my relative and two witnesses. After our parents found out, they were upset.

Some weeks after, I actually found out that my husband was a lying and cheating bastard. He had women from all angles messaging me and saying how he slept with them, but he denied it. One day while he was sleeping, I decided to search his phone. My heart fell to the floor instantly after what I saw.

He was sleeping with so many women, including his co-workers, who were also married. I was devastated.

I wanted to leave but my relative encouraged me to stay. He apologised and said he would change and that I should forgive him. But instead, things got worse.

He became abusive whenever I spoke to any of my male friends or any male relatives. He would grab me by the neck and hit me. He always said he wouldn't do it again, but ended up doing it all over again.

He started to stay out really late and he didn't care. So I told him he needed to go and leave me alone. I was stressed. I even had a panic attack. At one point I scorned him.

I was afraid to have sex with him without protection and he would get mad and force himself on me whenever I told him no, until I got pregnant.

As soon as I told him, he told me to terminate the pregnancy, but I was afraid. I also thought it was wrong, so he left and moved in with the girl he was cheating with.


I couldn't sleep or eat. I wasn't even thinking about our unborn child because I was hurt. He told everyone that all I wanted was to stay and to trap him with a child, but I loved him with everything inside me and all he wanted was sex every day.

He didn't help me to prepare for the child; strangers took me to doctors' visits and bought stuff for the baby.

Now, the baby is here. He is still putting his hands on me even though we are not together. He is not taking care of the baby but threatening to take me to court because I don't want my three-month-old baby to go with him by his new girlfriend's house.

A couple weeks ago, I went by his mother's house and he ran me out in the middle of the night because I didn't sleep with him.

He slapped me and told his mom that we were not together anymore, so I should not set foot in her house. I don't know what to do.

Based on their laws, I'm trapped in this country with this cruel guy who thinks he has all authority over me. I need your advice, please.


Dear J.W.,

You need to get out of this man's life. You will have to divorce him. You have not said exactly where you are, but I know for sure that this man is abusing you, and you ought not to stay in an abusive relationship.

This man should be taken to court and he should be sentenced to prison. He should also be forced to support his child. You should try and contact a lawyer.

You should also inform your parents about what is going on. I am sure they will come to your aid. The girl with whom you are staying should also try to help you. But, your parents are to be told everything.

You write as someone who feels that she is helpless. You are not helpless. You might be feeling confused. You need to stand up for your rights and not give your husband the impression that you are afraid of him.

Be willing to go to court and speak the truth. So, I repeat, talk to your parents and to those who would be willing to assist you. Keep a journal of all the things that your husband is doing to you. Let me hear from you again.


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