He doesn’t love me, he just wants a green card

May 21, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I have been friends with this guy for the past eight years. When I was young and attending high school, he would encourage me to do my studies and focus on my schoolwork.

We were just social friends. But anything I asked him for, he would ensure that I got it, or even more. We never had perfect communication because we would always get angry at each other and stop talking for weeks or months.

In November 2018, we started to communicate perfectly. He would ask me out and prepare meals for me. Then we started seeing each other every day at whatever time we both got off from work.

Being around him, he would always be talking about his past and females, and I never liked the idea of being around him while he was talking about other women.

He went away in January for a couple of weeks and the communication got poor again. When he came back, he surprised me with a couple of gifts.

One night we were going out on a date and he got upset and started getting angry and cursing. I didn't say anything. I was just observing his action and after I left that night, I decided not to go around him again.

A couple of minutes after he let me off at my house, he called saying that he couldn't hide his feelings anymore.

He was on the phone talking to me for some minutes and he kept on saying he loved me.

After I told him how I felt about him, we decided to start a serious relationship. A day after we started the relationship, he told me that he was with a woman in the US and he's just talking to her for a green card.


I'm confused. I am not sure what to do, but he said he told me out of love and respect because he didn't want to hurt me. A couple of times when I was around him, he would be texting or video calling her. I felt hurt even though I hid my feelings.

Whenever we had an argument, he would go outside and talk to her like nothing happened. I've listened the way he speaks to her over the phone; he doesn't talk to me like that anymore.

Whenever I try to straighten things out between us, he gets angry and starts to argue. We can never have a perfect conversation. I think he loves her more than me.

He only uses WhatsApp whenever she's online. I feel so terrible about myself for having a strong feeling for him and this is the outcome.

After all the arguments we had, we started going to counselling, but I really don't want to get attached to him. He said that after his papers have come through, he would be mine permanently, but I'm not sure what to believe. I need your advice.


Dear S.G.,

Bring an end to this relationship. This is not a good man. He told you that he is only with the woman in the US to get a green card.

Perhaps that is his motive, but he wouldn't tell the woman that. He is trying to use both of you, and he has absolutely no respect for you.

It is convenient for him to have you here, while he is preparing to marry the other woman. Whenever she gets here, he would put you away; and when she leaves, he will come back to you.

This man does not love you. Get out of his way and do so now. He has fooled you enough. He is disrespectful. If you are careless, he will get you pregnant and then blame you for everything. Run him out of your life and do so now.


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