Giving my boyfriend food and bus fare

May 22, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I'm a 26-year-old female who is in need of your assistance. I had my only child at 20 years old. I had to leave the child's father because of his constant emotional blackmail. He stopped supporting the child. He comes around every three to six months and then he disappears again. He's now married, and he confirmed that he has a newborn.

When he came the last time, he seemed like he was boasting of the accomplishments between him and his wife. He spoke of their new car, a house, their baby crib and their business. It left me feeling jealous, because when I was with him we were very poor, and he didn't want to work. We couldn't even afford diapers.

My parents had to support me and my child up until May 2018. I got a legal job offer which I gladly accepted, and I'm now able to provide for my daughter the way I wanted to. But pastor, I'm not comfortable with where I am now. In order for me to stay in the job, I have to be lying to my parents about staying at a certain place. But in reality, I'm staying at my boyfriend's house.

Wants to marry me

Pastor, this young man claims to love me, but I'm afraid I'm back in another 'poverty' relationship. I have to be finding the food and supporting him with bus fare. He is living in a one-bedroom, rented apartment. He says he wants to marry me and that he loves me. His actions show that he loves me. He has a job, but he's always paying bills and never has enough to give me. He can't help me with my bills or with my daughter. Even though I'm in this relationship, I feel like I'm in it just for sex and nothing else.

I would love to go back to school and gain a skill in teaching. It's just too costly to travel from my parents' home to work. I do love him, pastor, but I just feel like love alone in a relationship is not enough. I also feel like I could reach further in life without him, and I could save more and give my daughter more. The expenses are killing me, and I don't feel like I'm making any growth.

I would like for you to advise me on how to solve my problems because I feel terrible hiding something this important from my parents, as they are willing to do anything for me. But I wanted to start providing for myself and my child.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

Why can't you use common sense? You know what you have gone through with your child's father. And, by the way, you should take your child's father to court for child support. One reason some of these men continue to boast about themselves is because you young women are too easy on them. These men should be made to support their children.

This man is not supporting his child. Yet he brags about fathering a second child and how well the mother, child and himself are doing. You should take him to court for child support.

Concerning this new relationship in which you have found yourself, what you are trying to say to me is that you take joy in suffering. You are with a new man who can hardly help himself. You shouldn't be moving into a situation where the man can't help you and you have to be helping him.

The living condition at this man's place is not good. And the money that you have to be spending at his house could have been used for your travelling. I have to tell you that you should get out of that situation right away. You shouldn't consider marrying this man. He can't help you at all, and love is not only the criteria for marriage.


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