My fiancé is going back to his ex

January 14, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25-year-old woman who tends to always get hurt. There was this guy who took my virginity when I was 15; he was 33 at the time.

When I found out that he was married with three children, I ended the relationship. After we broke up, he met a girl who, he said, mended his heart.

Years later, I found out he was in the US. He was so excited to hear from me. He asked if I was single.

I told him yes, and he said he had divorced the woman in Jamaica and got married in the US, but broke up with that woman before his papers came through.

He said he wanted to start over with me and that he had never stopped loving me. So we got back in a relationship and he asked me to marry him, and I said yes.

He told me he had not got his papers, so he didn't know when he could come to visit me. I told him I would wait on him.

Pastor, at the time, I wasn't working and he supported me right through. We talked on the phone often. The only problem is some nights he would be extremely silent.

One night I dreamt that he was kissing a girl. I told him about the dream and eventually he admitted that he had, but he had cut it off because he would never cheat on me.

I didn't really argue about it because I respect that he told me the truth.

Last November, he got his papers. We were both excited. He went and started paying for a wedding band for me.

I got a job around the same time. When I started working, we couldn't be on the phone as often as before.

He set his date to come to Jamaica and started shopping for me and my son I had from another relationship. He bought my wedding dress and we started paying for the wedding venue.

On December 23, my son's dad called to tell me that my son was ill and I had to pay for two X-rays.

I didn't really have any money as I hadn't been paid yet. He told me he was going to send US$100 when he got paid, and he would send me money for Christmas.


On Christmas Eve, he started arguing with me saying that I put friends over him and I didn't want to talk on the phone around them.

He started telling me everything he was doing for me, and so we argued a little, after which he told me that I was on my own, and hung up.

I called him back thinking that he had calmed down. He said that he already sent the money for my son's X-rays. He didn't call me back.

I called him the day after to work things out and his response was "anything I was doing was OK with him''.

I called him back twice to apologise for not communicating like we used to, but he didn't answer or return my calls.

A week passed and neither of us called each other. I got a call from my mother saying he told one of his family members in Jamaica that we were not getting married anymore.

He told his sisters that I had disappeared over the Christmas holiday and hadn't called him.

I still love and care for him, so I called him and told him that I was not letting go because I loved him. I asked him if he still loved me he and he said he couldn't answer it now.

I asked him if he was back with that girl whom he said mended his heart when I broke up with him; he said yes.

He told me to fight for him. I told him I was not going to do that because I was there with him when he didn't even know if he was ever going to visit Jamaica again.

I don't think I am going to ever love again. Now he blocks me on WhatsApp and from his phone. What is your advice to me?


Dear K.L.,

Why has it taken you so long to realise that this man doesn't mean you any good? He is a time waster.

He will never keep his promises because he is not a sincere man. I don't know what you have seen in him, but for your own sanity I will say to you, never go back to this man.

Try your best to carve out life on your own.


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