Father-in-law thinks I’m not pleasing his son

July 08, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I got married this year and already I have to write to you because I am very unhappy with my husband. I did not force him to marry me; he asked me to marry him.

We were living together for three years and I had a miscarriage. We took a break from each other and then got back together, and everything was all right.

I did not know that my husband had another relationship until after we were married. When I found out and asked him, he admitted it, but promised that he would end it.

But it was not easy for him to end the relationship because the woman works with the same company he does, and they are in sales. So sometimes they go out together to do business. I am here very lonely, and he is not around.

I called his father, who is an elder of a church, and asked him to talk to his son. He said that he would not get involved because we are adults.

He asked me if I was satisfied with his son in bed and I told him yes. He asked, also, if his son was satisfied with me and I told him he had never complained.

He said that could be the problem, and that I could be the problem because I might be taking his son for granted.

I don't think that was the kind of answer a man of the cloth should give, especially to his own daughter-in-law. I was expecting a more 'spiritual' answer. My husband does not like me to question anything he does.

I love this man, but I cannot live this way. When I come home I get myself ready for him. He may come in early or late, and I must not say anything to him. That cannot be right.

Please give me your advice.

M.J.

Dear M.J.,

You should not blame your father-in-law for not giving you what you describe as a 'spiritual answer'. Your father-in-law is a practical man.

You wanted an answer for something that is happening to you now. Your man is not coming home early, and you have found out that he has another woman. Your father-in-law asked whether you were satisfied with him in bed; you said yes.

He asked if you were satisfying his son and you told him that your husband had not complained. Because he has never complained, you felt that everything might be okay.

There is where you are going wrong. Because a man or a woman has not complained about their sex life, that does not mean that everything is all right.

What spiritual answer were you looking for? Sometimes when a man is not being satisfied by his wife or the woman with whom he lives, he might find comfort in the arms of another woman.

That is not always true, but lots and lots of times it is true. Also, if a woman is not being satisfied by her man in the bedroom, she, too, may stray and seek comfort and satisfaction by another man.

It happens all the time, and the world knows it happens. So your preacher father-in-law was just being realistic.

I am suggesting, therefore, that your husband and yourself should seek professional help. Both of you should discuss the matter, and both of you should agree to make an appointment to see a family counsellor.

I am sorry I have not heard from your husband. I would love to hear his side of the story.

Pastor

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