Husband blaming me for us not having a boy

July 09, 2020

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I wrote to you when I was in my teens. I am now married and pregnant. I am expecting to give birth at the end of October. My husband was excited when I became pregnant but since he found out that it is a girl, he is not so happy any more because he has two daughters with two different women. And now that he is married he wanted to have a son. I told him he should not fuss about that because this is my first child and I would love to have two children, so we can try for the boy.

He has two brothers and they have boy children so he says that he will not be able to live after I give birth because they already asking him what is the sex of the child, and he had been telling them that he does not know. He is afraid that they are going to tease him and say that his back is weak. My father had two girls before he had a boy and my two brothers are not as close to my father as I am. And whenever my father is in need of anything he does not call my brothers, he calls me first. And my husband knows that. But he is behaving as if girls do not count, and I hate that.

I can always call on my father for help when things are rough. My brothers are working but they never have money. Another thing, my husband chose names for a boy and when I asked him to think about a name for our daughter he says to me that that is up to me. I can choose what I want. He is blaming me for us not having a boy. My husband used to tell me what to do whenever we made love so that we would have a boy. I used to take it as a joke but now I know he meant it. I don't know if these things that my husband said really work, but I am going try them the next time.


Dear F.C.,

Congratulations on becoming pregnant. However, I am sorry to know that your husband is making you feel unhappy hearing the news that you carry a girl. Some men really believe that if they do not father boys they have not done a good job. Therefore, they should drink more stout, strong back and eggs, etc.

Years ago there was an old man who was educated, but he was not a fool. He told me that he had the recipe to give to any man to get his woman pregnant. When he said that to me I laughed, but he said he was serious about it and he explained what should be done. But I dare not mention that here. I had never heard that before. He told me he tried and he ended up with boys. And I would quickly add that I do not believe that what he said is scientific.

Therefore, I do not want anybody to write me or declare what is the method. If anybody writes to me I am going to ignore him or her. I will also add that the man who told me about what a man should do is now dead. And may his soul rest in peace.

Let me add quickly that men who have fathered girls are some of the happiest men on earth. As the girls grew up these men come to realise that the girls can be very helpful to them as the men have got old. Just as the men cherish their sons and are happy to have them so they cherish their daughters. Daughters are loving, caring and respectful to their dads. I believe that your husband will be glad to have his daughters. And the teasing he may get from others would only last for a short period of time. I wish both of you the very best.


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