‘He did not even know my name’ - Baby daddy knows nothing about me

September 16, 2020

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I am 22 years old. I am living with a man who told me that he was just 30 years old. I have one child, but this child is not his. When I met this man, I was already two months pregnant. I told him the truth. I did not know where the father was. This man told me that I didn't need to fret. I was living at home, so I moved out and went to live with him.

This child doesn't know his real father. He calls this man his daddy. Somebody told me that they saw this man (my child's father), so I went in search of him. I just wanted him to know that what he did to me was not right. He said he did not mean to leave me like that, but he never knew where I was living, and he got into problem with the law and was incarcerated.

He was not sure that I was pregnant. In fact, he did not know anything about my pregnancy. He did not even know my name; all he knew was my nickname.

When we had sex, we had it in a car, and the car was not his. It was rented. When I heard him explain, I told him that it is alright, he doesn't need to know my son. He said he would like to know him, I told him that would mash up my present relationship.

My son has never asked for his biological father because he does not know that the man who has taken care of him for all these years is not his father. This man pays for my son to be involved with sports and he sends him to prep school. I don't want anything to happen to destroy our relationship. That is why I am reaching out to you.


Dear L,

I think what you are trying to say is that you didn't have very much of a relationship with your child's father. What you had with this man was a one-night stand. You don't know his name. If this guy got you pregnant and you did not know how to find him, how did your friend know about him and was able to tell you they saw him?

I think you have a right to be concerned. The man with whom you are living took you in and has supported you and your son over the years. Now the biological father wants to know his child. You have not given the child's age, but I must warn you that you might ruin this child's life by telling him that the man he has accepted as his father, is not really his biological father.

I think that you should give your son time to grow up. He might not be able to deal with this drama at his age. It might affect him emotionally and psychologically. If you believe that you must inform him, wait until he is much older before you break the news to him.


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