My husband can’t satisfy me

September 16, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 years old, and I'm writing to you for the first time. My husband is 48. He is a good man and I don't have any question in my mind as to whether he loves me. He has proven his love to me so many times. I got married to him when I was 23. I don't know my parents and I was living with a man who used to abuse me.

One day I was crying at the bus stop when this man drove past and saw me crying. He reversed his van and came to me. He asked me what was wrong. I told him that my boyfriend is treating me very badly and I can't stand it any more. He told me to come into his vehicle. I was scared. He asked me if I can't see that he is a big man. I went into his vehicle and he went and parked his vehicle on a road close to Devon House. We talked for a long time. I felt so good. He offered me something to eat and we drove into Devon House and we bought patties and drinks.

This man told me that he has a woman. I asked him if I could come and stay at his house. He told me that his woman was living with him. I did not know where to go that night because I was afraid my boyfriend would beat me again. He told me if he beat me I should call him. I went home, but my boyfriend did not beat me. This man and I kept talking on the phone. After three months he broke up with his girlfriend and I went to live with him. Now we are married. Sometimes when we go out, people ask him if I am his daughter, and he says yes. For that reason, I used to call him uncle.


I have never cheated on him, but I do trick him sometimes. The other guy I used to live with was very good when it came to sex. When we were having sexual intercourse, he would make me 'come' two and three times. But it is not so with my husband. Sometimes he would ask me if I'm all right and if I came. Sometimes, to make him feel good I have to fake orgasms, but he never knew I was faking.

Since we have been married, he has got me a job to work with one of his friends. His friend loves me, and a few weeks ago I had to fight him off because he came on to me too strong, but I have not told my husband.

I have never got pregnant, but my husband has five children; none of them are living with him, they all live abroad. He has three different babymothers. I am very comfortable, I don't have anyone or anything but this man. Every time I tell him I would like to go back to school, he says that he wants me to take care of him and he can take care of me so I don't need to go back to school. But I would like to be a cosmetologist. I do not know how to convince him to allow me to go.


Dear C.,

I am sorry to hear that you have experienced abuse in your previous relationship. I am happy that you have found someone who cherishes you and is willing to care for you. You said that he is a good provider, and you are happy with him.

However, when it comes to sex, he is not as good as your former boyfriend. Your former boyfriend was able to satisfy you sexually, and you would experience orgasm two or three times, whenever both of you had sex. But it is not so with your husband, and you have had to fake orgasm and pretend that you are satisfied; nevertheless, you have not cheated on him. I suggest that you introduce using sex toys or other methods to your husband that will help to bring satisfaction to you and to him as well. Do not do it in a way to make him feel incapable to satisfy you. Tell him you would like to try something a bit different to see if you both would like it.

Your big concern, as you have stated, is that you would like to go back to school, but your husband is discouraging you from doing so. I am sure he means well when he tells you that he would take care of you. But you should not accept what he says because as you know, something could happen to him and you might be left alone to fend for yourself. While you should be happy for that assurance, insist that you need a career and tell him that that does not mean you do not respect him. Perhaps you need to contact HEART and tell them your background and what your desire is, and then present that to your husband. I don't believe that he would continue to fight you if you plan your future well with him.

It seems to me that you have a good man. Take good care of him. Don't let your guard down and allow other men to come into your life and fool you. Protect your marriage. What you have now is what so many other ladies at your age would want, so be careful. Let me hear from you again.


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