I have fallen for the gardener

December 06, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am an independent 40-year-old female with three grown boys. I am also a Christian. I have been divorced for two and a half years, due to no fault of my own. Since my divorce, I have kept to myself. I have met my gardener over a year now. My spirit is always attracted to him. He is not very educated but he has a good heart and is ambitious. He is on a work permit and he has an established life in Jamaica. He also has a six-year-old child with a woman he has been with for 10 years. They share property and a business.

About a month ago, I approached him and expressed my interest in him. He told me upfront that he doesn't have a woman here (overseas), but he is in a relationship in Jamaica and that he has always had a secret interest in me, and would love to give it a try. I told him I understood and that due to the circumstances, I would only encourage an intimate act once, and if he was ok with that, then there would be no strings attached. I was so lonely and longing for a man's touch that I fell for the moment.

The issue is that we have both become emotionally involved. He wants to control me and still keep his home in Jamaica. He says that he wants to see how things work out as he has a strong desire to marry me. He is willing to do whatever he can to please me, but he is not a practising Christian and he sometimes tells lies.

From a woman's perspective, I know I am doing wrong to another woman. Spiritually, I am also doing wrong. I want to end the relationship, but I don't want to lose a friend. What should I do?


Dear A.M.,

You have pushed yourself into this man's life. You claimed that this man was your gardener and that you are always admiring him, and you wanted to be in a relationship with him. When you approached this man, he immediately took you on, but he told you that he has a woman in Jamaica and that they have a child together. So, he did not fool you. He told you the truth. When he said that to you, you should have backed off. But your excuse for not doing so is that you were longing to be touched by a man.

What you were trying to say is that you were longing to have sex and this man gave you what you wanted. You loved it and you wanted more and the relationship was sealed.

You knew that this man was not a Christian before you became involved with him. You knew also that it would not be easy to end the relationship with this man. So, it is so ridiculous for you to be saying that he is not a practising Christian. If you feel so guilty now that this man is controlling you and your intention was to hit and run, you should tell him you have had enough of him. But you should not give him the impression that he is the aggressor. The truth is, you are the aggressor. This man only wants to prove that he is a man.

Tell him that he may continue to be your gardener, but the intimate relationship has to come to an end. And if you believe that you cannot resist him, terminate his employment. I hope he will understand the dilemma you have found yourself in and he will walk away peacefully, but don't be surprised if he puts up a fight.


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