This man is trying to get into my bed

December 08, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I would like you to help me. I am a woman in my 50s. I have been reading your column for years. It is very entertaining. I am married and I have five children.

They are all big people. The youngest one is in university. He has a girlfriend. Sometimes I don't see him for weeks, but he calls me. She is older than him and she helps him a lot. I am very comfortable. I have my own home. My husband left me in a comfortable place.

Since he died, I have not had the desire for any man. But my children told me that if I see somebody, they wouldn't stand in my way if I want to get married. I met a man who is 75 years old. He is a nice man, but he is very poor. He doesn't have anything. He can't walk very well, either. When I said it to my children, they said he was the wrong man. They said that I will be taking a sick man, and I would have to support him and take care of him.

I also met a man in church. He is 65 years old. We mostly talk on the phone because our church is closed because of COVID. He is very sharp. I told him he is too much for me. He even wants to come here and stay with me. I rented out a room to a young woman, who works at a bank. She has her own bathroom, but she shares the kitchen with me. I wouldn't want her to see me with a man in bed. She knows that I am a church woman. This man told me that we are big people, and it is not my tenant's business to criticise me if he is my male visitor.

Whenever this man brings 'rude' talk to me and I tell him that we should talk about something else, he tells me that I am only pretending that I don't want him. Sometimes I feel for male company, as it has been a long time since I have been with a man. I am not in a hurry to go to bed with any man. I told this 65-year-old man that things may just work out for us, but he should not push me. Am I right or wrong?


Dear N.E.,

You are quite right, my dear. Don't allow any man to convince you to do what you don't want to do. This 65-year-old man should appreciate you, and he should know that trying to get you to engage in what you do not want to do is the wrong way of building a relationship.

Ignore the foolishness he is carrying on and tell him that he has to learn to appreciate your position. If he refuses to show respect to you, tell him that you will have to break the friendship.


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