A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.  
  It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder
 what  happened to this parrot?'  
 
 
The parrot says, 'I was born this way.. I'm a defective parrot.'  
 
 
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and
 answered me!'  
 
 
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly
 intelligent  thoroughly educated bird.'  
 
 
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how do you hang onto
 your perch  without any feet?'  
 
 
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you
 asked, I  wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see
 it  because of my feathers.'  
 
 
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English
 can't you?'  
 
 
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with
 reasonable  competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
 physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy
 me.   I'd be a great companion.'  
   
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford!   that.'  
 
 
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
 wants me  cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make
 an  offer!'  
 
 
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
 
 
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor,
 he's  interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he
 sympathizes, and  he's insightful. The guy is delighted.  
 
 
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
 'Psssssssssssst,'  and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell
 you this or  not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man..'  
 
   
'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.  
 
 
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the
 door  in a sheer black nightie.'  
 
 
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'  
 
 
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie
 and  began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.  
 
 
'NO!' he exclaims.. 'And she let him?'  
 
 
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees
 and  began to kiss her all over.....'  
 
 
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'  
 
 
'darned if I know.. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'