Mom cursed me for getting pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I am pregnant with my first child. I am not very happy right now because I had to leave home. So, I am staying with my boyfriend.

My mother asked me to leave because she said she did not want to have any bastard child in her house. I cried when she said that to me because my pregnancy is a big mistake.

I did not know that the man who got me pregnant was still with his wife. He told me that they were in the process of getting a divorce, but five months after he got me pregnant, I came to realise that they are together.

I didn't realise that a 37-year-old man could lie like that just because he wanted a young girl. I also did not know that he had six children. When we met, he told me he had only three.

My mother heard all these things and she cursed me about them. I would not tell lies about this man. He has asked me to forgive him and he provides everything for me. But this is not the way I wanted to start out my life.

I have six subjects and I wanted to go to university. This man has been telling me that crying wouldn't help me, I should just try and settle my mind and his divorce will soon come through so we can get married.

My mother does not even want me to call her. She hates me, and she hates the man who got me pregnant.

She told me that when I have the baby, I should not even bring it to her gate. But my mother shouldn't carry on this way, because she and my father are not married, so I am a bastard child, too.

My mother and I used to get along very well, but I get along better with my father. If it was convenient for him to keep me, I would be living with him.

He said that after my baby is one year old, he and his woman would take him and allow me to go back to school.

My boyfriend said that he would not agree to that; the child should grow up with us. But if we have the child, it would hinder me from going to school, and I would have to continue to live with this man. So please, give me your fatherly advice.

R.M.

Dear R.M.,

I regret hearing that you are pregnant and that you are not allowed to stay at your mother's home.

She does not want you there at all because, according to her, you are carrying a bastard child.

It is shameful for any mother to ask her daughter to leave her home because she is pregnant.

She has forced you now to be shacking up with the man who got you pregnant.

You described your pregnancy as a mistake. The man lied to you. You did not know that he was still living with his wife and that he has so many children.

He should have told you the truth. On the other hand, I am glad that he is taking good care of you. No child is a bastard or illegitimate.

You have ambition, so soon after your child is born and you are able to go back to school, do so. Your father is prepared to take the baby.

I am sure he has discussed that with the woman with whom he is living. The child's father must understand that you do not want to remain with this man. Convince him that you cannot stay with him, and you must go back to school. If you remain with this man, he is likely to get you pregnant again.

You need an education. Nothing is more important in the life of a young woman than a good education. I wish you well.

After you have given birth, take that child to First Baptist Church and let us dedicate him to the Lord. We will not look at him as a bastard child, but as a gift from God.

Pastor